On Drinking: Mulled Cider with Overproof Rum
Heads Will Roll
Fortification Against Evil Spirits
Halloween has a funny symmetry to New Years Eve. Everyone wants to go to the rad, decadent house party their friend is throwing for these holidays, but at the same time very few people want to host that party. Cue the collective bafflement when that party routinely fails to materialize. Unless you are in the lucky minority to have a reliable acquaintance who throws the adult Halloween party (the kind where everyone has costumes that are either (a) exceedingly witty/referential or (b) movie quality) you might just have to throw your own. Just don’t be surprised by the high turnout.
For those of us mired down in the dull conventions of children’s neighborhood Trick-or-Treating, I can only recommend strong medicine. It’s once again time for mulled cider with the ABV additive of your choice. My version last year made great use of Calvados (and dark rum for those wanting both). This year I’m pivoting to an overproof rum from the Ministry of Rum collection (which was previously discussed here).
The mulled cider is simple. Dump cider in a slow cooker and add the mulling spices and seasonings of your choice (mine will have orange slices, cloves, cinnamon and allspice—I tend to collect/synthesize the profile from a few different recipes). The flavors all come together in a slow cooker over the course of a few hours. You can then ladle it out to fellow adults who are in distress/in need of fortification while wandering aimlessly around amidst the throngs of children.
I leave the base version alcohol free in the slow cooker and normally make a few bottles of liquor available at the bar outside so people can spike the cider with their choice (whiskeys, rums, brandies and many others are all reasonable choices). Garnish with a cinnamon stick in your mug of choice. Here’s more detail on the Hamilton Guyana 151 overproof rum, recommended by other reviewers as absurdly drinkable in spite of its high ABV, with notes of smoke, caramel and vanilla. I’ve tried it in a few different applications, so I’m expecting it to perform heroically here.
Weird Men in Suits
I have completed my obligatory annual revisit to David S. Pumpkins to get into the holiday spirit (if you want to truly be scared, you can seek out last year’s version with Jack Harlow).
For those who can stand the character, I’m pleased to also present this 2017 companion piece from Vulture: An Oral History of ‘David Pumpkins’. On the history of the sketch:
“I think names and suits are funny,” [sketch co-writer Mikey] Day said. “Normal names in insane situations and dumb suits are funny. So, I just remember thinking, David Pumpkins. He’s got pumpkins on his suit.”
This creed also explains the existence of a structurally similar sketch from the same group of co-writers, featuring Larry David as “Kevin Roberts” (I think this one is superior in some respects).
The [Sublime|Prosaic] Halloween Playlist
I am always making playlists (usually one for the year in general where I collect songs I’m liking, but holidays and certain destinations get their own playlists as well). For parties, I’ve also been in open rebellion against autoplay, music genomes and algorithms for a good while—why not show your guests you care by making it by hand? I haven’t quite figured out how to work this love of curating music into the Sublime Prosaic project (as I figured there are others out there doing it better).
Until now that is.
Presenting my Halloween playlist, “Skeletonne Songs.” The full playlist comes in at 3 hours and 33 minutes and has things that always say Halloween in Los Angeles to me: reggae, remixes, cumbia, and handful of the almost done-to-death classics you’ll find on any competent playlist of skeleton songs (you won’t find “Thriller” on there).1 Please enjoy these two highlights from the playlist: Jeremy Sole’s (of KCRW fame) iconic remix of Screamin’ Jay Hawkin’s “I Put a Spell on You” and the Andrew Gold meme song “Spooky Scary Skeletons” remixed into a new(ish) classic, the “Undead Tombstone Remix.”2 Wouldn’t be Halloween without both of them.
For Apple Music users (there are dozens of us!), here is a link to the full playlist, as Substack does not support embedding Apple Music playlists.
I’d also like to thank the friend who made me aware several years ago of the music video for “The Monster Mash,” from American Bandstand in 1964—you’ll appreciate it on a new level after this. It’s possible the titular dance move from the song was eyebrows all along.
I realize this is a preposterous take. I know people love “Thriller.” It doesn’t matter to me. I’m sick of it. There are Halloween songs doing the same thing better.
Some copyright skullduggery going on with this remix—Andrew Gold’s team has rightfully capitalized on the success of the original remix and has his own official version you can get on vinyl, but I’ll always like the bootleg version a little bit more.